I Just Can’t Do It…And My Husband Agrees!

What do you do if your husband is…less than supportive in homeschooling the kids? I’ve heard this before. Now, if your husband is vehemently anti-homeschooling, then you have a major conflict that you will have to work through. However, if your husband is sort of on the fence about homeschooling, you can demonstrate that this might be a good thing for the family.

First, you should talk with your husband to determine exactly why he is reluctant to have the kids homeschooled. Perhaps his reasons are relatively easy to address, like he worries that the kids will not have playmates or may struggle with certain subjects. He may just not want to be the family who does things out of the ordinary or just can’t fathom stepping out of the “regular” way of schooling.

You should not minimize his concerns, but take them seriously. Write down a list of concerns and how you can plan on addressing them. If you are an introvert and he worries that you won’t make the effort to find friends for the kids, you may want to show him the homeschool groups you plan on joining and commit to a weekly or bi-weekly play date. You can show him guided curricula that will help you prepare the kids for the future. Don’t pick fights with him, but start conversations with, “Would you be more open to the idea if…”

Second, my dh needs to see a concrete demonstration of my commitment to our children’s education and he needs to know that I VALUE it. For our family, he sees me agonizing over curriculum choices, reading books about homeschooling, and meeting with other homeschoolers to pick their brains. He can see that I take it seriously. I tell him when one of our children is performing below their capabilities, and he can see that it bothers me. He sees that I turn down field trips that will put us behind where we should be academically. He sees that I pay attention to things like our halfway point and I have goals so we are tackling what should be done. He knows that each morning, we will do school. If your husband is concerned that your kids won’t get what they need academically, try to demonstrate that you are as committed to educational excellence as he is. You just want to go about it in a different way.

I use open and go, scripted curriculums for our core lessons. Math, English and Spelling pretty much are done every day no matter what. (exceptions made for illness. But we don’t skip that for things like snow, field trips, etc.) My dh sees the stacks of books cluttering the house and he knows that they are there for a reason. He hears the kids talk about the schoolwork that they’ve done. I don’t buy curricula that depend on me to maintain (like making copies, compiling book lists from the library, or writing lessons) because I know that when life gets hectic, I won’t stick to it.

Third, I am very careful with my “time sinks.” These are things that suck me in and waste my time. I try to pay attention to these things. Things like Internet, Facebook, a good novel or an interesting DVD series can distract me from giving my all to my kids. My husband needs to know that I have the discipline to do this.

Fourth, ask for some time.  If your husband is hesitant, ask him if you can take a year and try homeschooling. Usually, by the end of the first year, you will know whether this is right for you. By the end of the second year, you should have hit a pretty good groove if it’s going to work out for you.

Fifth, I don’t take days off very often, especially now that I have middle schoolers and high schoolers. You see, I consider homeschooling my job. For a paid job, you have a certain number of sick and vacation days you can take. Sometimes, you go in when you have  a slight headache or your nose is stopped up, because you don’t want to waste a sick day. I consider homeschooling the same. I take days off when I am legitimately ill, but don’t drop it all if I or one of the kids is just a little sub-par.  We don’t miss school for very much.

There are many families who started out homeschooling with a reluctant spouse who now are firmly committed to homeschooling their kids. Talk to your husband; don’t nag; don’t press too much. Be patient and realize that it may take time for him to come around. Try to address his concerns and see if you can come to an agreement.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carey Hothan
    Mar 17, 2015 @ 12:46:57

    As a fellow Christian, and mother of three, 10, 6 & 3, I have considered homeschooling as well. I just ‘happened’ upon your blog, through the Empowering Parents newsletter I receive. I am in the research mode and am curious what curriculum(s) you use? I like the idea of what your referenced, as open and go scripted curriculum, as I know my limitations!

    Thanks for your time,


    • fairfarmhand79
      Mar 17, 2015 @ 13:50:09

      Well, first of all, kudos to you and welcome to my blog. Good for you for researching. Currently, I use Saxon Math and Teaching Textbooks (computer based software) Grammar is Bob Jones or Zaner Bloser. Spelling, Bob Jones Spelling. History–Story of the World. Science–Apologia. However, use the suggestions as a starting point. Your family is going to be different, so take your time. Get in touch with local homeschoolers in your area so you can talk to them about what works for them and why they chose that. My favorite vendor is Rainbow Resource.


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